The Trials Of Motherhood
Motherhood is stress, anxiety, resentment, emotional and physical exhaustion, at times depression. Motherhood is an overwhelming mountain of emotions and insecurities.
In every sense of the word absolute chaos, and I wouldn’t change anything about it.
The moment I realized, rather accepted that I was pregnant my whole outlook on life changed, the world was both brighter and darker at the same time. It’s at that point I had a lot to ponder.
Psalm 127:3 Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.
I grew up in a home of dysfunction and abuse, therefore I didn’t get the best example of marriage or parenthood. Nonetheless I got married and later on got pregnant and even though I was married and an adult, I still have an unnecessary amount of shame just looming over me.
I was scared to tell anymore let alone be excited. This probably goes back to my own mother, who had me at 15 and had two more children by 19.
So in that regard pregnancy had become something to be avoided in my family and I had been told it was in my best interest not get pregnant, PERIOD.
I felt such fear when my doctor told me I was pregnant, it’s like the tears knew exactly when to come out and my heart fell into my stomach. Oddly enough as quickly as that fear came, it faded out to joy and excitement. I realized how much support and love I was surrounded with, and I began to think, “God would never put something on my plate that I couldn’t handle”. From that moment forward I started to declare that I wasn’t going to BE a great mother, I AM a great mother and my child will never know anything but love and acceptance in our home.
1 Corinthians 13:13 And now these three remain; faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Today my little man, Arturo, is a year and two months old. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve cried in secret, or have held resentment towards my husband, or have stayed awake at night watching my son to make sure he is still breathing. These things and more have occurred and still do occur, and I am made to feel a little bit better knowing I am not the only one.
I also know that little voice telling me I’m a bad mother and I have failed are just the enemy, because we all know the enemy tried to wedge himself in between love, family and wholesomeness. But you know what enemy, you can’t have me, you can't have my son or my family, and
God has laid his blanket of love and protection over us and A’INT NOTHIN’ you can do to get through.
Isaiah 66:13 As one whom his mother comforts, so will I comfort you.
Lastly, to all mommas out there, you are persevering, you are doing a great job, and God is forever working in the favor of you and your family.