Rue stands for ....
" Rambunctious Unconditional Ethereal "
She was an angel on earth.
Fun, loving, selfishly selfless. (with her toys)
Rue had these beautiful human-like eyes that had a way of melting your heart.
She gave me everything I needed in her short time here.
Death was pretty unfamiliar to me....
that day I saw how fragile life truly is.... it’s as delicate as a millisecond.
One thing I noticed about myself was how the child in me was doing all my speaking for me. I just kept repeating over and over “ I don’t wanna”.... “I don’t want to do this” but I knew I had no choice...
That day all I could do was think of all the times I should have let her sleep in my bed, or let her eat all the cheese and apples, or just given her every single beef jerky treat in the bag.
As I held her and cried she would just calmly lick the tears off of my face, one of her many comforting tactics. (She was always great at that)
The moment she passed something in me just broke. As I sobbed uncontrollably I realized I had NEVER cried like this before. It was as if I was doing all the crying and screaming I had needed for everything I had been through in life.
I came to the conclusion in that split second what broke in me was control.
I kept my poker face on at all times.
In my life I constantly controlled how and when I wanted to feel anything.
I always maintained a strong exterior because showing vulnerability was uncomfortable to me!
It wasn’t just loss that caused that break in me, it was the child in me finally being heard.
From that moment on I chose to feel. I cried, A LOT (still do). It’s funny because I thought the crying was mourning so I’d ask people when does this stop?
When do I know when the grieving process is over ?
No one really had an answer for me as far as a time frame, because "THATS NOT HOW THAT WORKS". Lol
I say how I feel and what I feel.
If I don’t like it, I won’t stay.
I don’t want to, I won’t.
I only have one life so I’m going to live it happy, honest, free of control and full of emotion! ( in a healthy way)
I learned more about what’s important to me and how it’s okay to show your cards.
So yes, it took losing my pup to figure that out, but she meant the world to me and even after life she gave a something everlasting.
A lesson in LOVE.
Scripture: 1 Peter 3:8 | John 15:13