I have been trying to figure out exactly what it is I want and I realized I only knew what I didn’t want.
As I explored how I came up with the list of things I didn’t want, it brought me face to face with a 7 year relationship that should have ended much sooner than it did.
A “ It’s not you, it’s Me” predicament.
Have you ever felt stuck by your own situation?
It was all I had known, safe, but so damn stagnate.
I say it was safe because giving myself emotionally or physically to multiple men was a huge NO/FEAR and stagnate because we were simply young as well as incompatible in nearly every way. I realized how unhappy I was, my discontentment had everything to do with me neglecting myself and I frequently disregarded my own precautions as well as my families advice.
I am thankful for the time we had together and how much I learned, but I know I will never make those same mistakes again.
Although I can now admit I detached myself years beforehand.
In the ending of that relationship, it was the beginning of finding myself and what I wanted.
I took the time to learn, give, and experience love as well as vulnerability. (which I believe this is an on-going lesson for us all)
I thought I had closed that chapter, but it turns out I had some pre-existing loose ends:
What do I want now ?
When I looked at this question It no longer means the same to me as it did then.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t see relationships the same. It’s not about what the other person can do for you, what they bring to the table, or even just a list of what you want.
It’s about how you will choose to be. It's about vulnerability, growth, healing, and tranquil compromise.
- The understanding that wanting that person for who they are, unchanged.
- Knowing their flaws and seeing their strengths.
Needless to say, I’m still a list person; but I’ve decided to make them about who I wanted to be for whomever is worthy. I say worthy because I was always told...
“ You are a flower, not everyone should pluck your petals. ”
I wish I had known all these things before, but don’t allow what has happened in the past stop you from experiencing new opportunities, forgive those who have hurt you, learn from your mistakes, embrace the good, tell people how you feel, and be yourself.
You have to know you are what you are looking for, and what’s to come is just the icing on the cake.